Tweet of the Day: Introduce Important POVs as Soon as Possible
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I decided to splice together my Wednesday serial story updated with the AW’s June Blog Chain. I am preceded in the Blog Chain by Jenny Kellerford and followed by Claire Gilliam (No relation to Amy Pond, I think 
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This month’s prompt: Setting the Scene
Write a location description, and make us feel as if we are there. No dialogue, no introductory comments, just a location. We’re the tourists, you’re the guide.
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The house down the lane, at the end of the suburban street, tucked under the shadow of of twin elms. The neighborhood kids loved to ride their bikes in circles on the cul-de-sac in front. A two story affair, painted in a warm cream colors that diffused the daylight yet glowed with a muted tone at night.
Everybody knew it as the Wilson home.
Two year old model four door mid-range sedans parked in the driveway. The ones with good gas mileage, roomy seats and no luxury options. A full set of tools hung on the left wall of the garage, just by the door that led to the kitchen. None of them were brand new, but they were well maintained and saw plenty of use by hands that enjoyed a bit of woodwork or home repair. The door led to the kitchen, clean, expansive and well stocked with appliances. Again, not the latest models. Everything in the house had a cost slightly above average, from a few dozen dollars for the blender, to a few hundred for the large screen TV. Yet none of them screamed opulence. Each sat perfectly in place creating a carefully woven atmosphere of comfort and design.
Nothing was out of place.
Not the picture of the three multiracial children that sat atop the mantle piece, the eldest Michael with a solid smile and wearing a football varsity jacket, middle child Robert holding a spelling bee ribbon or the youngest Jenna plucking away at the piano. Or Roger, the family’s golden retriever, who sat on his hunches with a broad doggy grin.
In fact, the Wilson’s dinner guests, for the Wilson’s prefer to entertain at home than to go out, always used the same words to describe it: nice, modest, and warm.
To which the Wilsons would always reply: affordable, comfortable, and useful.
Mr. Wilson could afford it due to a well payed government job, an eye for well place bargains and a series of well timed investments. He made sure that none of the latter caused any conflict of interests with his job for he always placed loyalty to his country did.
So did his family.
Always.
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I hoped you enjoyed it and feel free to visit the other blog chain participants:
orion_mk3 – http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com (link to this month’s post)
juniper – http://www.katjuniper.com/ (link to this month’s post)
LadyMage – http://www.katherinegilraine.com/ (link to this month’s post)
dolores haze – http://dianedooley.wordpress.com/ (link to this month’s post)
jkellerford – http://jennykellerford.wordpress.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Ralph Pines(ME) – http://ralfast.wordpress.com/ (link to this month’s post)
AuburnAssassin – http://clairegillian.com/ (link to this month’s post)
pezie – http://www.erinbrambilla.com/ (link to this month’s post)
WildScribe – http://DionneObesoBlog.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Inkstrokes – http://drlong67.wordpress.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Guardian – http://daewrites.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Lyra Jean – http://lyratorres.wordpress.com/ (link to this month’s post)
Aheïla – http://thewriteaholicblog.wordpress.com/ (link to this month’s post)
faerydancer – http://digitalinkwell.wordpress.com (link to this month’s post)
egoodlett – http://wordlarceny.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
cwachob – http://www.corriewachob.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
xcomplex – http://www.arielemerald.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
TheMindKiller – http://www.jabberwocky.ws/ (link to this month’s post)
Irissel – http://irissel.blogspot.com/ (link to this month’s post)
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Tags: AW, blog chain, flash fiction, forums, June, serial, setting, speculative fiction, Urban Fantasy, Wizard's World War
Interesting. The way you describe it makes all this neatness seem like a facade. Was that intentional?
Very.
But it is also more than that, a reflection of the owners as well, or should I say a reflection of how the view the world around them.
The whole scene gave me the creeps but in a totally good way. Great job!
Thanks. I wanted it to sound ominous, as in “this is too good to be true” kind of way.
The creepiest thing is how tidy the place is. This is not normal when there are three kids and a dog. My antennae are waggling wildly.
True, then again I forgot to add the “odd dust bunny, which made the house feel ‘lived in’”. Maybe it was for the best….
I sense something ominous here. Great description.
I’m always weary of things that appear ‘too perfect’. The scene seems very ominous to me, almost superficial. The people inside living a ‘stark’ lie perhaps. Pretending to be what they aren’t. I don’t know. Creepy certainly. Good job.
A bit too perfect, no?
This is a piece where detailed description is well suited. It sets a tone.
Normal, or is it? The term ‘useful’ carries such an ominous tone when used against all that ‘comfortable’ normalacy.
Like the Adams family only in reverse.
Funny that you should mentioned “detailed” description, as I tend to be a minimalist when it comes to descriptions. My thinking is that less is more. Concentrated on those aspects that make the setting or character stand out and leave the rest to the reader. But sometimes breaking that rule works too.
Oh and you caught that bit about it being “useful”, eh?
“I tend to be a minimalist when it comes to descriptions. My thinking is that less is more. Concentrated on those aspects that make the setting or character stand out and leave the rest to the reader.”
I am so on the same page! Concentrated description is a great term!
I once tried to write detailed descriptions and wound up erasing each paragraph and trying again. So I switched tactics. I liked it better this way. I even wrote a post about it:
http://ralfast.wordpress.com/2010/02/28/the-minimalist-approach-to-writing-descriptions/
Government job…a nice little house…
…what’s the catch???? What’s behind the scenes??
Well, for that you’ll have to stay tune and keep reading, because the next installment will be next Wednesday.
Gives you a great idea of the personality of the people living in this house, and how they operate. I love it when scene reflects character! Very well-done
one comment: “none of the later” <– did you mean latter? *hasaneditingproblemsorry*
No problem, I’m kind of sloppy in the editing department. It always helps to have someone catch these things, as long as they do it nicely, which you did.
(Looks wearily a the corner where an old computer mouse dangles from its cord. A tiny inscription reads: This Mouse Kills Grammar Nazis”.)
And I wanted the house to reflect the people living in it, as do all our possessions/spaces, whether we like it or not.
Thanks!
I agree with the others. It’s all too perfect to be true, great cover for something sinister. Immaculate attention to detail. Nicely done.
Thank you!
I agree, too perfect to be true. Almost Stepford-like. Though maybe his “well paying government job” has something to do with this set up? Nicely done!
Shakes Magic 8-Ball, “The answer is YES.”
Stepford? Have you met Mrs. Wilson? Charming woman….
The way you use certain words just makes me want to scream “Vampire!” “Serial Killer!” or “D&D Fetishist!” :p
This is a really great way to be creepy without being literally creepy. I had a lot of fun reading that, I might have to check out some of the other snippets to see what it leads to
Well, I am a D&D fetishist, what gave it away?
Hope you enjoy it, and that you return safely to San Diego.