15 Comments

Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday/05-03-2015: Walk With Me


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Welcome to another entry into the Weekend Writing Warriors blog chain. This snippet is taken from my WiP, Lessons of War. Three hundred years after the death of the last Emperor of the Third Dynasty, the Throne of Stars, the seat of the galactic empire sits empty. But the recent death of the Duke and Duchess de Havilland has altered the status quo. As the young Duke tries to sort out his new responsibilities, a face from the past offers to help:

 “Walk with me,” I said as I walked past Margaret.

We reached the castle’s battlements. Memories of running past sentries, playing with the mouser kittens and stealing kisses in dark corners flooded my mind.

“I’m so sorry I missed the funeral,” she said.

“You were busy at university,” I said, eyes firmly to where the blue skies of Mercia met the Emerald Sea.

“That is no excuse.”

I turned to stare at her golden eyes, “Why did Cara, your father, call you back to Caer de Havilland?”

“Because you need me.”

Things seem to be getting interesting between these two. I hoped you enjoyed this brief look into my current WiP and make sure to click on the link above for more great snippets.

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15 comments on “Weekend Writing Warriors/#8Sunday/05-03-2015: Walk With Me

  1. How do you answer that? Excellent snippet. I am really looking forward to the rest. (And I enjoyed the soundtrack too, thank you.)

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  2. I get the feeling you know these characters really well, and that always helps a story come alive for readers. I love stories that have rich, 3-D characters!

    You describe this story as a WIP and I don’t know how far along you are, so this comment may be jumping the gun, but I want to mention it in case it’s helpful. You have some version of “walk” three times in the first two sentences. If you vary that, readers will be impressed at how descriptive your writing is and yet still succinct.

    This excerpt leaves me curious about the history between these two characters!

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  3. Sounds like these two have a history and her dad is in on it! It’ll be interesting to see how things progress/

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  4. They seem very conscious of each other.

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  5. Lots of excellent tension here!

    Just a thought: people very rarely name other people’s parents in conversations. They just say “your mother” or “your father” because most people only have one.

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  6. Enjoyed the scene, had a lovely flow about it. (I had the same feeling about the use of walk three times and also naming the father as the other commenters tho, just fyi.) Can’t wait to find out what the further developments are going to be!

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  7. Nice hints at a rich past. I’m curious to see how that “need” pans out.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Your characters clearly have a past here that you’re allowing us to glimpse into.

    I wondered at the “Why did Cara, your father…” as well. I tried to leave it to a sense that perhaps there were a few fathers (in some cultures or worlds this could be the case). It would be an interesting society if that were the case.

    Liked by 1 person

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