Tweet of the Day: A Gnomey Christmas
We had an unexpected full house. The in-laws on one side, my brother’s family on the other. The kids with Terry the corgi int ow, ran up and down the house, my brother had his nose glued to his laptop talking to family and my mother-in-law walked one stepped behind Patricia murmuring about the decorations or the state of the house with every step. I tried to man the kitchen the best I could. I checked and re-checked the turkey. If it went south we would starve for sure.
Family trapped in home during blizzard starves to death because idiot husband could not keep a proper lookout on the turkey. And now for the weather.
Then it happened.
As I brought a plate of snacks for the kids I saw the events slowly unfolded before my eyes.
The kids chased Terry.
Terry ducked under the tree to escape them.
The tree shook.
The tree rattled.
The tree tumbled.
The tree fell.
My niece and nephew went, “Oops!”
Patricia entered the living room.
My mother-in-law came after her and said, “Oh well you should have secured the tree better.”
Tears swelled in Patricia’s eyes.
And I….I yelled, “ENOUGH!”All eyes were on me. “I had enough of this. Either you people get off your lazy asses and help out or I swear by almighty god and all his angels in heaven that I will boot you out into the goddamned cold. DO. I. MAKE. MYSELF. CLEAR!”
“Lo sentimos tio….”
“Now that is unacceptable,” said Mrs. Winthrop.
Mr. Winthrop, who had spent all his time with his behind glued to the recliner, got up, walked up to me and said, “Here, let me help you with that.”
Mrs. Winthrop was none to happy, “But Marcus, did you, he just…I mean this is….”
“Their home, their rules, Margy. Now kids, could you help an old man get this beautiful tree upright again?” The kids nodded. “And Mr. Salazar, I believe your wife is still unpacking upstairs, perhaps she needs a hand, or two.” My brother looked askance then trooped up the stairs. “And Maggy dear, that turkey won’t cook itself, perhaps it needs an experience hand to move it along.”
“Yes, dear but we will talk about this later,” said Mrs. Winthrop.
“Yes we will,” said Mr. Winthrop. He walked up to me and patted me on the shoulder, “You know, when I met you I knew you were the right sort. A bit shouty but it does get results. Not to worry, we will sort all this out in no time.”
“Thank you sir,” I said with intense and unabashed relief.
He winked and proceeded to set the tree back into place while the kids picked up the decorations.
Aside from Mrs. Winthrop murmurs everything fell into place. The turkey was edible. The kids enjoyed the loud pops of the crackers. Everybody wore ugly holiday sweaters and to top it off a group of brave carolers braved the snow and gifted us with sweet carols.
A perfect Christmas? Hardly, Mrs. Winthrop didn’t forgive my outburst until Spring but we survived it all the same.
A very Merry Xmas to You and Yours!