Tweet of the Day: 5 Signs You Might Be a Windbag
Or a Guide to How Not To Write…Anything!
The long time reader of this blog may have detected a certain…disdain for soap operas. The reasons for the disdain match those for why you should never write like a soap opera:
- Shallow Characters: If you can swap Luke for Jake, Jane for Jacky and get the same results, your characters are shallower than pancakes,
- Unconnected Scenes: A story is more than just a collection of repetitive, unrelated scenes,
- Shocking Swerves: Are to be avoided at much as possible, if you use this trope to create tension, specially cliff hangers, might as well drop the story down the abyss,
- Cheap Appeals to Emotion: Emotions without context is porn, but without the actual sex, blah!
- Bad Dialogue: When actors say their lines in three octaves louder than police sirens, make faces like they just ate a plate full of month old mayonnaise and earn William Shatner an Oscar, you know you have stinker on your hands,
- Bringing People Back from the Dead: Why should I care if Shirley has a gun, if the the writers can resurrect Lucas when ever they want, or when the actor returns from “Hollywood” penniless and broken?
So there you have it, an easy list of things thou shall never do, put or otherwise find in your writing.
And now for something to cleanse the palate: