WARNING: Political Rant Ahead. You have been warned.
You know, I think I got this gun business all wrong. I think problem is we are not arming the right people.
Since violent crime is disproportionally high among the poor and minorities, we should flood poor urban areas with guns. Hell, let’s bring back the Black Panther party to organize urban militias against the Man. Besides few people farm these days, and black farmers have gotten screwed by the government so many times that 40 acres and a mule won’t do. But a firearm and forty rounds of ammo should go along way. Speaking of minorities, since integration of new immigrants is such a headache I propose that the Border Patrol hand out AK’s and a full clip of ammo to anyone who manages to cross the Mexican border. Welcome to America, hombre! I’m sure Fox News would not mind.
And since the 2nd Amendment is the bedrock of all civil rights in the good old U.S. of A., how about arming Muslims as well. You won’t have to worry about somebody burning down your mosque or protesting the legal purchase of any building just because it has a prayer room somewhere inside. We could have the government do it, or if that is that sounds to “big government” to you, have the NRA do a fundraising operation. Private charities are always better than welfare programs, right?
Talking of right of assembly, how about them gay parades? Or gay marriage? Not to worry, have a 9mm on me, maybe a M-4 with a grenade launcher attached under the barrel. Lets those Queens get jiggy with it on the streets without fear of religious fanatics cursing and hollering at them. Nobody is stopping this Pride Parade! Go ahead, do the chicken as well while you’re at it.
Which reminds me, ladies, having problems reaching your local health clinic? Not to worry, with our new “Arm the Doctors and Nurses” program we guarantee your right to seek expert medical services without interference. The doctor…could you wait just one second…BAAM!BAAM! BAAM! sorry about that had to get some crazy off the front lawn, the doctor will see you now.
Spouses should not be left behind either. Whether straight or gay, if you have a complaint about an abusive spouse, don’t get a restraining order or go to a shelter, those never work. Just fill in this handy, “I need a GODDAMN GUN NOW!” form at your local police station and they will provide you with the firearm of your choice, fifteen rounds and a guarantee that they will not answer any 9-1-1 calls from the residence of your choice.
I think that covers it, don’t you?