Tweet of the Day: Fangs for the Memories
I know, an incredibly lame pun. But sometimes you just have to roll with it, as did Diane Dooley in her post about the fading vampire (with a short story bonus!) Sure you can find vamps everywhere, but that’s the problem. They went from dark creatures of the night to sparkling wunderkind.
Kind of sad really.
As in laughable yet sad.
You can blame it on the Mormon Novel. Not the Mormon Book because that one is a tad older and as far as I know doesn’t have any vamps in it. I call it that the same a certain Shakespearean play is called the Scottish Play and for the same reason. Besides I don’t want to insult the religion of the state of Utah.
Also, not in the mood.
And, well I’ll do that in some other post, with plenty of Catholic based humor to balance my ignorance of Mormonism.
So, vamps. Yes, their fangs fell off, or an evil dentist decided to sneak into their tombs at night and pull the nasties off. I guess someone figured out that what women wanted was a mix of a superhero boyfriend (without the telephone booths or the horrible fashion sense, I mean “capes and tights”, really?) and the feeling of being a princess (without the ermine cape and spit out a male heir or else effect.)
Mind you, today’s vamps are not royalty, not even minor nobility. A few can afford a fancy loft in Toronto, I mean NYC. For some reason spend more time fighting the local werewolf jock squad than seducing young maidens with promises of immortality (before the unicorns get them).
But the maidens are getting younger and younger these days, the fans of fangs are getting older and older and that new girlfriend you picked up is strong enough to arm wrestle the Hulk to a draw and swift enough to bitch slap Superman without breaking a sweat.
So what is a vamp to do?
For a little while. Call it a vacation. Fashions are cyclical. After all, as long as you keep your account at the local blood bank current, you’re golden. Just wait a decade or two and you can steal the fangs back from Dr. Dentist underground lair and voila, Duke the Dark Vampire is back! By that time capes should be in fashion as well.
And now for a David Mitchell double feature: