Black Friday


And no day reflects this evil like the darkest day of the year, Black Friday. Shopping malls turn to lands of desolation, lives are lost (literally) as warring factions set upon the dwindling resources of a forgotten age (bargains).

The question is….


I mean what is it about this day that drives the hordes to pillage and plunder as they do?

I can see it from the retailer’s side, they want to make as much money as possible, but what about the consumer?

I guess the clue is in the word, isn’t it? Consumer. It’s Xmas, we have money in our pockets (bonuses) and we have to get little Johny the latest robot and Susy the latest doll. But if it is a question of getting a certain toy, why not order it from a catalog or online? You can do that from the safety of your own home.

But let us not forget the real victims:

Poor Gabe!

And he is right. Yes, store attendants can be snooty little brats who couldn’t find their heads in their own asses with both hands and a telescope but when you have to put up with shit like this:

You know what “the back” is? Is the space between the store walls and the actual walls of the mall. Cramped, smelly, cold and crawling with things that were old when the dinosaurs ruled the Earth. Trust me, this is maximum sale time. What you see is what you get. The store will not hold back anything. Who would even try to pull that off when you have the angriest/hungriest mobs this side of Attila the Hun devouring everything in sight? The aloof manner of the average teenage sales clerk is a defense mechanism, my friends! Jaded by countless hours of horror as reality is torn asunder in front of their very eyes (I know, I seen it, I SEEN IT!).Stuff that makes men out of boys, women out of girls and veterans of us all in a matter of minutes.

The greed, my god, the greed.

Of course, the media doesn’t help.

Oh no!

They hype this dark day for a month or so and then feast on the carcasses of the fallen (again literally fallen), the trampled, the dead (I wish I was making up that one, I really do) with stories of specials induced madness and blue light shock and awe.

And what about those vaunted Black Friday savings?

Buy one, get 50% of a second one? Really, that’s like 25% off (which it was the week before) and that’s only if you buy items of the same price.  Plus, factor in the sales tax which cuts into that percentage. On my desk I have a 25% coupon for Borders. It says, and I quote “list price of almost everything!”  Almost? Great!

On second thought….

But not everyone is compelled by this rush to the bottomless abyss of consumption. No, others wait, and wait and wait some more, while every show on radio and television tells us how many days are left till Xmas.

A countdown to another dark day!

Happy Holidays! And stay safe!

Now for some music by Armin van Buuren, Burned with Desire:

6 comments on “Black Friday

  1. I worked in retail for years, and I will never forget the rudeness of some customers. The ones who marched up to you and told you to find something for them (no “hello”, no “please”). And then would grab it out of your hand without a word of thanks. Sometimes I would casually say, “You’re welcome,” as they stalked off. As though I’d heard them say, “thank you.” I had a few look at me in surprise, redden, and stammer, “Oh, thank you!”

    But nothing beat the holiday season. Especially those who waited until the very last day to shop- and it was YOUR fault the lines were long, and things were sold out.

    Christmas season I worked about 6 days a week, usually 12 hour shifts. Not only did I have to ring register, I had to walk the floor to help customers find things. I also had to help all the people who called on the phone with questions, order books for people. And then there were the few hundred boxes of shipment that came in each week. All those books had to be received and shelved between serving customers. And of course, other books had to be scanned for returns to make room for all those new books. Yes, I, and all my co-workers literally ran in a dozen directions at once.

    So, when a salesclerk smiles at you, apologises to you and says they will help you as soon as possible- they mean it. Have some patience and remember it won’t kill you to be polite and say, “please” and “thank you.”

    Sorry for getting on a soapbox, but having once been on that other side…


  2. p.s. I meant “you” in general. Not you, Ralfast. 🙂


  3. I am SO glad that British shops don’t go nuts. Well… ‘Cept for Christmas Eve, but that is a whole ‘nother story. Black Friday sounds so nightmarish that it would probably be outlawed by a beaurocratic moron in Brussels anyway – Britain as a whole isn’t trusted to make it’s own legislation any more.


  4. Yeah, but by then most of the good stuff has gone from the shelves. You have seen Jingle All The Way, right? It so doesn’t exaggerate the idiot lengths people will go to in an effort to get the toy their kid demands…

    But I’m not a Christmas person anyway.


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