1.What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man?
2. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
3. Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
4. Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
5. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
6. You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
7. If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
8. Why is that when you transport something by car it’s called shipment, but when you transport something by ship it’s called cargo?
9. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
10. Does fuzzy logic tickle?
11. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions
12. I don’t have a solution, but I admire your problem.
13. If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
14. Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
15. Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
16. Why do banks charge you a “non-sufficient funds fee” on money they already know you don’t have?
17. Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
18. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the self-help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
19. Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice?”
20. How is it possible to have a civil war?
And my answers…..
3. No need, since with all the stagnant water and wings the mosquitoes were not going to get killed off by a flood, nor were sea creatures, well except those that required clean (non sea) water.
4. Blame the English
5. Federal Funding
6. Too heavy
7. Nothing, you can’t go that fast nor will you be able to perceive light anyway, except either as total darkness or a bright light that obfuscates everything
8. Damned ignorant landlubbers
9. It should be, I’m already fed up with both
10. Only if your robot has digits
11. I believe you are both right and wrong
12. That’s why people hate politicians
13. In Celsius, the End of the World as you know it. In Fahrenheit, not so much. In Kelvin, turn the light out of the Universe on your way out. Thank you!
14. Because you’re waiting for someone to invent the self-charging remote control. Hey it worked with motion sensing game controllers!
15. The police reported a collision of Force of Habit with Stupidity on the corner of Dumb & Moronic
16. Bank= Thieves running the Prison and charging you for the privilege
17. Interior-within the borders of the U.S.of A. Also the department of “Slaughtered the Natives and Took their Land” doesn’t fit atop of the brochure.
18. It already did.
19. Scarier still….they mean it!
Now for the challenge, oh gentle readers. Post 10 questions that make you scratch your head and have your readers post their answers. Bonus points for anyone that can make you laugh the hardest and the longest.
And now for some music-Elvis Style!